Celebrity Whose Food You’d Never Eat Releases Cookbook

If there’s one celebrity who should never write a cookbook, it’s Sheryl “One Square” Crow. ‘Member when she wrote this?

I propose a limitation be put on how many squares of toilet paper can be used in any one sitting. Now, I don’t want to rob any law-abiding American of his or her God-given rights, but I think we are an industrious enough people that we can make it work with only one square per restroom visit, except, of course, on those pesky occasions where 2 to 3 could be required.

Now, I don’t know if Crow rinses and reuses or what, but the thought of her preparing food is about as appetizing as being in the audience at a GG Allin show. Unfortunately, St. Martin’s Press disagrees. Crow’s new cookbook, “If It Makes You Healthy,” popped up in my Amazon recommendations today.

Next year maybe she can publish a primer on hygiene. In the mean time, if you happen to meet Sheryl Crow, do NOT shake her hand.