Because, dude. It would be convenient. I mean, he’d be recording The Apprentice anyway:
The real estate mogul has chosen the season finale of his NBC reality show, “The Apprentice” as the venue for announcing his presidential decision, Newsmax reported late Wednesday. The show is set to air May 15. Newsmax reports that Trump will announce plans to hold a press conference to announce his candidacy in the Trump Tower in New York “a few days after” the finale.
Trump had previously stated he would wait until June to make a final decision about about a presidential campaign.
This absurdity aggression will not stand! He must stop this nonsense, for a variety of reasons:
a) He refers to himself as The Donald. Shut. Up.
b) He is like a gazillionaire, yet still insists on that hair.
c) He is announcing plans to announce plans about whether he will announce. Or not announce. Or something.
d) His only bit of presidential experience would be that he knows how to file bankruptcy. Which, granted, may come in handy. We are headed there – thanks bunches, Obama!
e) The stench of Smug ™ emanating off of him makes me wish to wipe it off of him. With my fist. Also, it makes me scowl, which isn’t cute and causes wrinkles. For that alone, he must pay.
f) And, oh yeah, he’s a birther.
I am holding out one hope, though. I’m hoping he will lose interest in this presidency gig, just like he does his wives.
Senator Marco Rubio, regarding the impending vote to stop funding Planned Parenthood with taxpayer money:
He’s right, of course. It is absolutely absurd, and disgusting, that the Democrats made the taxpayer funding of Planned Parenthood their line in the sand. It proves that not only do they care not one whit about fiscal responsibility, but they also do not care about truth. Instead, the Democrats have continued to demagogue the issue, grossly claiming Republicans want to kill women, and they persist in helping Planned Parenthood push their lies.
Planned Parenthood does not provide mammograms, this has been proved over and over.Planned Parenthood is not the only place women can obtain birth control; do they think we are so dim-witted that we’ve never heard of drug stores? Nor the ‘evil’ Walmart, who provides prescription birth control pills for $4.00? Planned Parenthood’s entire existence is based on providing abortions. Funded on our dime.
Even using Planned Parenthood’s own numbers, the Washington Examiner found the following:
When I was 18 years old in November of 1964, a freshman at Georgetown, I first went to Times Square. I bought a steak at Tad’s Steakhouse. I heard a guy ream his mother out, poor working woman, because she’d given him a hi-fi instead of a stereo speaker. I remember everything about it. I saw a hooker approach a man in a gray flannel suit. Pretty heavy stuff for a guy from Arkansas. My view is it’s way better now. You have to look at the overall numbers. Yes, look, I still have vivid memories of it. Romantic, fascinating.
A few months ago, he attended his grandmother’s funeral. As her body was being lowered into the ground, he heard the hushed voice of a family friend: “Can you hear me now?”
It’s like someone took class out behind the shed, shot it 47 times, sodomized it for good measure, then wore its decomposing remains. To a funeral.
This sanctimonious ass, Corbyn Hanson Hightower, was featured recently in the New York Times (h/t Karolnyc). See, her ‘values’ require that she dumpster dive for thrown out veggies rather than feed her children non-organic or, worse, have to buy the icky old food available via food stamps. Which means she’s not just a likely Birkenstock-clad ass full of Smug ™, she’s also a liar; you can buy whatever food items that you want with your food stamps. They act like cash.
She starts off whining that even though it ‘marginalizes’ her, she’d rather dig around in trash than feed her children lower-quality food (lower quality than TRASH) that would more conform to her budget. Like all good Progressives, to her budgets are icky! Live within your means and make some sacrifices? Hell, no. She’s entitled to her wheat grass, dammit! For free.
Here is a passage from her original article, which The New York Times only excerpted:
Peering through a bag of rejected broccoli from the garbage for signs of brown or yellow patches is something I couldn’t have imagined doing just a few short years ago. Before my work got downsized, I was the kind of consumer who shopped with an eye for quality alone, without much thought to price at all. Back when I made an embarrassingly-good living, my view was that food is underpriced and undervalued in our culture, and that since I could afford it, buying the best was not only good for my family, but good for the farmers and manufacturers. I joined the Facebook page: “I’d Rather Spend More Than Shop at Wal-Mart.” Food, Inc. was my manifesto, and Michael Pollan and Morgan Spurlock my high priests. Nothing entered the house that wasn’t free-trade, free-range, sustainable, grass-fed, organic, or ethically-produced. Oh, and of course, local if possible. If it could have been blessed by Tibetan monks, I’d probably have opted for that, too.
And now, for the last two years, we’ve been living far below the federal poverty level. We sold our family car, canceled the cable and Internet, and stripped ourselves to the bare minimum of comforts to ride out these tough times. Even with that, we still rely on food stamps and the WIC program to bridge the chasm between our grocery budget and what is actually required to fill the larder. Until our youngest two are in school and I can find some sort of work that’s biking distance, this is our lifeline. Still, it’s nowhere near enough. Food stamps are only sufficient if you feed your kids ramen noodles bought in bulk quantities, cheap meat, Doritos, and non-organic milk. Giant, cheap crates of cereal, not those precious little boxes of flax flakes they sell at Whole Foods. The WIC program allows for a couple of organic and vegan choices, which is astounding progress. However, it’s all just a drop in the bucket for the needs of your average family.
What was once the territory of gutter punks and urban squatters, dumpster diving has become less-taboo for the parental set. One young woman I talked to says she dumpster dives with her mother; it’s become, for them, just another family resource for living a healthy lifestyle. And it’s not just about the free food, it’s about living in a way that’s in harmony with your values—saying “no more” to our culture of conspicuous waste.
The pious! It burns!
I’m sure there is more, but frankly, I could not force myself to finish her whole “essay.” I need to gear up to read her other post “Celebrating Earth Day In Tough Times“. No, really. I’m not kidding, sadly. I’ll give her one thing — I suppose food dug out from a dumpster, encrusted with any number of bodily fluids and grime, can be considered “organic.”
E-Coli – For The Children ™. But it’s harmonious and all! Because, Mother Earth. No Flax seed, No Peace!
Image via @BrianFaughnan
As President Obama weighed in on one of the most important issues of the day, outlining his plan to deal with deficit reduction and attack the national debt, at least one audience member did not appear to be fully engaged.
Biden, at one point, could be seen apparently nodding off — or at least deep in thought. The bug was catching, too. The woman in glasses directly behind Biden appears to close her eyes too.
I really can’t blame him. I mean, Obama’s shtick really is super tiresome. The Greatest Orator Of All Time ™ is actually full of snooze.
ABC’s The Note gives Biden far too much credit, however — ” Or at least deep in thought.” Um, it’s BIDEN. Deep thought is not an option.
British retailer Marks & Spencer wants carbon footprint-obsessed women to know they’ve got your back, er, front:
Marks & Spencer has made ‘going green’ even easier as it today launched the high street’s first ever carbon neutral bra.
Part of the new Autograph Leaves lingerie collection, the retail chain has calculated the footprint of the entire range, which includes four styles of bra, three knickers and a set of suspenders.
The figure, calculated by The Carbon Trust Footprinting Certification Company, takes into account each item’s complete life cycle – from component manufacture to transportation and even the energy customers use washing and drying their underwear.
You don’t expect the eco-friendly woman to wear just any lingerie, do you?
And really, what good is a bra unless you can smugly lecture people on how it sustains the environment as well as your rack?
When your country’s biggest export is material for bad teeth jokes, scaling back on dentistry might not be the way to go.
Dentists are advising patients to come back for check-ups far more often than they need to, the Government has warned.
Many are suggesting people return in six months’ time when they in fact need to be seen only every two years.
According to official guidelines from the health watchdog NICE, most adults need to go for a check-up only every two years.
But 71 per cent of NHS patients are called back to their dentists within nine months, figures from the Department of Health show. Of these, 13 per cent return within three months, according to statistics from last April to September.
Aw, and just when they’d reached a milestone: the average British adult who actually has teeth has almost 26 of them.
Binyamin Netanyahu isn’t feeling the Bieber fever, and for good reason:
Prime Minister Binyamin Netanyahu hastily called off a meeting with the pop star after the singer refused to meet with children from Negev, an area that has been threatened by Hamas’ Kassam rockets, Israel’s Channel 2 reports.
Bieber’s people insist the meeting was called off because of logistics, but reports suggest the star flinched after the children issue was raised.
“i want to see this country and all the places ive dreamed of and whether it’s the paps (paparazzi) or being pulled into politics its been frustrating (sic),” the miffed star tweeted.
If these chicks are earning 77 percent of what the average man makes, they’re overpaid. Way overpaid.
Behold, the Equal Pay flash mob at the Lincoln Memorial, brought to you by your predominantly white friends at the Center for American Progress. Put down your drink before watching this video. Trust me.
[via Brittany Cohan on Twitter]
Former Florida Gov. Charlie Crist has settled a lawsuit filed by Talking Heads singer David Byrne after Crist used one of the group’s songs without permission in a campaign ad last year, both parties confirmed Monday.
Terms of the settlement were not released, but it included a recorded apology by Crist that was posted on YouTube Monday afternoon.
Crist sets a new standard for stilted delivery and half-hearted eye contact as he hunches over his laptop in a wrinkled shirt. No teleprompter for Crist, and he couldn’t even be bothered to position his laptop at eye level while reading the apology.
I guess if you’re legally obligated to humiliate yourself, this is the way to go:
[via Ben Smith]
There’s organ donation, and then there’s organ donation.
In life, Pall Arason sought attention. In death, he is getting it: The 95-year-old Icelander’s pickled penis will be the main attraction in one of his country’s most bizarre museums.
Sigurdur Hjartarson, who runs the Phallological Museum in the tiny Icelandic fishing town of Husavik, said Arason’s organ will help round out the unusual institution’s extensive collection of phalluses from whales, seals, bears and other mammals.
Several people had pledged their penises over the years — including an American, a Briton, and a German — but Arason’s was the first to be successfully donated, Hjartarson said.
“I have just been waiting for this guy for 15 years,” he told The Associated Press in a brief telephone interview.
Congratulations, Sigurdur! I’m sure you’re swelling with pride.
The pickled human phallus exhibit will face stiff competition from The Phallological Museum‘s other popular specimens:
Highlights of the museum’s collection include a 170-centimeter (67-inch) sperm whale penis preserved in formaldehyde, lampshades made from bull testicles and what the museum described as an “unusually big” penis bone from a Canadian walrus.
Most of the organs are “suspended in formaldehyde or dried and mounted on the walls.”
A Seattle public school has decided that Easter eggs are super offensive and not politically correct. They’ve renamed them Spring Spheres (even though eggs are not spheres. This is our public education system at work, people):
“At the end of the week I had an idea to fill little plastic eggs with treats and jelly beans and other candy, but I was kind of unsure how the teacher would feel about that,” Jessica said.
She was concerned how the teacher might react to the eggs after of a meeting earlier in the week where she learned about “their abstract behavior rules.”
“I went to the teacher to get her approval and she wanted to ask the administration to see if it was okay,” Jessica explained. “She said that I could do it as long as I called this treat ‘spring spheres.’ I couldn’t call them Easter eggs.”
Rather than question the decision, Jessica opted to “roll with it.” But the third graders had other ideas.
“When I took them out of the bag, the teacher said, ‘Oh look, spring spheres’ and all the kids were like ‘Wow, Easter eggs.’ So they knew,” Jessica said.
Of course they knew. Because they are Easter eggs.
Oh, it’s Seattle, one might say. Of course such things happen there. Hippies! Well, a similar thing occurred in my old hometown in New Jersey. The town Easter egg hunt was changed to “Spring Celebration. With Bunny.”
They have since changed it again. One of the dreaded “E” words is no longer forbidden. No, no… not Easter. That would be going too far! They only allow the word “egg” again.
Annual Spring Egg Extravaganza
by Jack Terhune on Mon, Apr 11 2011 11:31 AMThe Annual Spring Egg Extravaganza Is this Saturday April 16, 2011 in Wood Park. The “Hunt” begins at 10:30 A.M. sharp so don’t be late!!!Jack Terhune
I don’t know what a “Spring” egg is. How is it different from, say, a Summer egg? It looks better in different colors? What if you get a Fall egg instead? Will it clash with all the rest?
It should be noted that I no longer live there, what with being an evil conservative, intolerant diversity-hater and all.
This town in New Jersey is rather swanky. And leans Democrat by a very large margin. Most of the time, there isn’t even a Republican on the ballot, come city council election time. It is mostly white and primarily Christian and Jewish. In my nearly 40 years, I’ve yet to come across a person of the Jewish faith who was offended by Easter bunnies or Easter eggs. But, I suppose my 40 years of “rich life experiences” don’t count, since I’m plain old Caucasian and all.
But reality is not taken into consideration, natch. The Left’s default position is that other cultures, no matter how barbaric, must be not only tolerated, but embraced. In fact, we should give up some of our rights – like free speech – just to be all tolerant and accepting. It’s enlightened multiculturalism and all! Plus, they don’t know any better. We can’t expect them to have moral compasses. We have to just pat them on the head and appease them.
American traditions, however? Must be eradicated. They are the root of all evil, you see. Anyone who doesn’t believe the same, must be a redneck-y rube. Love to see children frolicking and giggling, searching for Easter eggs – and calling them that?
You are obviously bitterly clinging to your bible. I’m sure it’s somehow racist and anti-woman, too.
h/t TV’s Andy Levy